...

I hate it I hate it I hate it. I hate everything..
Everything is not going my way. It isn't.
I'm really tired of everything that happens now. I'm really tired..
Whats wrong with me. ain't I'm supposed to be happy?
Should I? or Not?
I really dunno .. really.
Everyday I'm like trying my best to be happy.
But not for even once I'm happy deep down inside. Probably on the surface I'm smiling . but hey look through & you'll know I'm really not that enjoying this fun.
I've like wasted half of my teenage life in delusion.
Was that even supposed to happen?
I'm always trying to be that act-smart freak that speaks crazy logic that may OR may not exist. Probably 10% were ain't real. I've been trying to get attention from girls trying to show them who's boss. All this are rubbish.
When can I really find my own true self?
When am I able to come to my senses?
I really don't know when. I really tried to be strong. but I couldn't.
Can someone make me strong again? I doubt so. Everyone sees me as a girl that never ever get beaten down. A strong-willed girl. but.. I'm really not.
I've always tried to cry.. but the tears wont fall out. it's like all kept in my eyes, some thing's blocking it. & it really hurts inside deep inside.
I tried to keep my love ones by my side. but I don't understand why they just left.
I've been trying to understand myself after so many incident that happened.
I will not rule out the possibility that pp are just inserting poison in other's mind.
But at least 70% I know it's ain't the poison that's working. it's me.
but it's like almost 1/2 a year that happened but. I still have not changed.
Probably by a bit. but still.
My possessiveness, stubbornness, arrogance.. will never cease.
I really dunno how to change them.
All these traits have caused me serious problems.. Really serious.

I'm just tired after all these. I really want to let it go.
For some crazy moments I may just daze at the window.
I mean it's not like I want to end my life. It's like.. there nothing for you to hold on.
I'm not an emo person as I could laugh my head off infront of my friends.
I don't slash my wrists if I encounter problems.
That's the best of it. I'm still able to think. o.o

I just need someone to pull me through.
Yes family is there but.. home is home, world is world. They both could never co-exist.
Family could protect you but.. when you're outside, You're on your own. It's hard to learn Independence.

Ah.. forget bout it.
I'll just live it. I'll just find ways ... I'll just find

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*The world may seemed so great. But the greatest thing on earth is you, yourself, your inner self.